So as of last Sunday, I have been married for three months – but I have been with my wonderful husband for over 14 years.
Even before we got married, I didn’t think it would change anything in our relationship. I thought of it simply as a formality that people take to make their relationship official in the eyes of the government. Mostly, a piece of paper, if you will. Which might sound quite negative but let’s be honest, people can be happy in love without ever getting married. We had a strong relationship, to begin with, so I didn’t see much changing.
Before I dig myself further into a hole I want to publicly announce that I was misguided and wrong. I said it.
Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest. I’d like to note some of the things I have noticed in our relationship that has changed since we got married.
We consult each other before making big cash splurges.
Just after the wedding, we were walking around Tesco looking for milk. We left Tesco with a 43 inch TV. “How did this happen?” I hear you ask. Well, I’d been going on about buying a TV for a little while and this was right around the time that Tesco was closing their direct services so most of the tech items that they had left were ridiculously discounted.
On that particular day, I slowly made my way to the TV section to check out prices. Hubby joined me. We ummed and ahhhed for a little bit before we did some maths. We realised we could afford it. We asked each other if we each wanted to go for it. Before we could really answer each other we were lifting the TV into the trolly and walking around Tesco giggling like two kids. There we are.
More recently (last week in fact) I had been keeping an eye on the sales in Currys as we were in dire need of upgrading our PC. We’d had the old PC for 10 years, and while it served us well, it was starting to really show it’s age and struggled with the most basic programs.
Anyway, I sent a few links over to the hubby and of course, he liked the look of one of them. Again we ummed and ahhed, before the eventual ‘f*ck it’ moment and we decided to buy it that evening.
I should note that we don’t always splurge big, but before we got married we would have been more inclined to just go ahead and tell the other person later rather than make it a joint decision.
Well, this one started long before the wedding but I think both of us make more of an effort now. It also leads nicely into the next point and it’s definitely worth noting.
We share the housework. It works for us. We are both out working full time – I work nine to five Monday to Friday; hubby works a mix of day and evening shifts five out of seven days a week so his pattern requires a bit more flexibility than mine. If maintaining the home was left to one of us, we’d be exhausted and probably a bit resentful.
Typically if I am working and he has the day off, he will tidy the house and make dinner. If he is working and I have the day or evening free, I will tidy up and make dinner. It’s all about balance and respecting each other enough to do these little things to help maintain our home. It allows the other to come home and relax after a long day at work, and also it’s a subtle way of saying I love you and I appreciate you.
Balancing each other
I feel like since we got married we have been working as a team more often. Again this ties into the previous points of taking the hubby’s thoughts into consideration and also creating a balance in our home life.
However, I know I have a tendency to get carried away when I get a notion in my head. I can get very excited and act on impulse. Which, is not always a bad thing, but sometimes certain situations will require a level head (that’s not to say I’m not level-headed at all but you know, I can get ahead of myself sometimes).
Anyway, I’ve found myself asking the hubby’s opinion more when I feel like I may be getting ahead of myself. He is typically more grounded (maybe a little more pessimistic) than I am so the balance works well.
Likewise, I provide the proverbial boot up the backside for him when he wants to do something but has pretty much talked himself out of it by thinking he’s not good enough to do the thing.
As I’m typing this out, I’m realising this is nothing new for couples and it’s probably been going on for centuries, but it’s just a few things that I have noticed that I’m quite enjoying about newly married life. Long may it continue!